Marginalia: I Lost My Mind and Got Rid of 250 Books
What happened during my week at home with a feverish toddler. Plus: a book to make you feel good about your home, a giveaway and what I have been reading (in the margins of motherhood) recently.
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I Spent A Week at Home With a Feverish Toddler, Lost My Mind and Decided to Radically Reorganise My Bookshelves
Last week I was supposed to be working on the brand new issue of Crib Notes — which is all about Reading on Borrowed Time, and features stories and novellas that can be slotted into the chaos of family life. Typically, my toddler succumbed to a cold and fever, and so my already minimal writing time evaporated. Stuck at home binge-watching Paw Patrol with a feverish child, I decided to undertake the ambitious task of entirely reorganising my bookshelves.
Recently, I dipped into Penny Wincer’s thoughtful and affirming new book Home Matters, which, for people like me who constantly feel inadequate about their homes (stuff everywhere and an endless list of incomplete DIY jobs), is a gratifying antidote to the chic interiors of Instagram.
Penny talks about the notion of the ‘good enough’ home — which might not be perfect, it might not be enormous, but it meets the needs of all that live there. There’s a chapter about the ‘big enough’ house, which describes our Victorian terrace. Sure, I’d love a study; I’d love a spare room; I’d love a loft extension, I’d love a downstairs loo — but the money isnt’t there. Basically, we have enough room. That in itself is a privilege. Home Matters made me think more deeply about using and utilising our space.
It’s a frustrating paradox of parenthood that one accumulates new things at a rapid turnover rate, but jettisoning old things requires time that is not available. Recently, I’ve been trying to declutter our home: getting rid of old toys; random broken bits of stairgate; breast pumps and clothes I haven’t worn for the six years I've been a parent (this feels like time-travel, taking me back to the days I worked in literary events and wore little dresses and heeled ankle boots everyday and didn't have to consider boob access). A friend recently pointed me in the direction of icollectclothes.co.uk, which collects donations of books, toys, dvds, clothing for free. It is an absolute game-changer in terms of decluttering.
However, it had never occurred to me before to get rid of my books, until I read Home Matters.
In one chapter, Penny Wincer interviews fashion writer, Alyson Walsh, about the use of space in her London flat. ‘Alyson,’ she writes, ‘is considered in what she owns. The size of the place means she has to think about what comes in, and also what must go out.’ What really made an impression on me was this: to free up her rooms, Alyson recently ‘got rid of all but her most loved books’ (!!!). This was a revelation.
I realised that the book situation was beginning to overwhelm me. We had many, many more books than we had shelves; there were piles in every room. Now, I have always liked the feeling of books being scattered all over a house — it has always seemed bohemian and writerly. But like a lot of things that I considered bohemian and writerly in my younger years (for example, getting drunk on gin all the time), I accept that it is not necessarily practical or compatible with family life. And so, it occurred to me that our house might feel more spacious and less cluttered if there weren’t stacks of books in every corner. And wouldn’t it be lovely to be surrounded by only books and writers I adored?
And so, beginning to feel a little stir-crazy during my second day at home with a poorly child, I decided to make use of my time under house arrest.
Reader, I removed over two hundred books from my shelves.
I was ruthless. Only the following books were permitted to remain:
Books I genuinely love (crucially: not like, but love).
Books I will most likely revisit.
Unread books I am actually going to read in the next two years.
An enormous quantity of the books I culled have not been read. This seems counterintuitive, perhaps; surely it makes sense to keep all of my unread books and… read them, whilst clearing out the others. But like most book lovers, I’m guilty of continuously, capriciously buying books and forgetting them — and then, when I discover them months later, the mood has gone. For example, Emile Zola’s Therese Raquin (bought during a rather maudlin and abject Francophile phase when I was twenty-four). Why not pass them on, rather than keep them languishing on a bookshelf? Meanwhile, Colette’s Cheri, Toni Morrison’s Sula, and Valley of the Dolls (all acquired over ten years ago) have made the cut because it seems likely I will pick them up on a whim, and decide they are exactly what I feel like reading.
At the time of writing there are still many, many books all over the place. Because, typically, I’ve begun a job that I do not have time to finish now that it is the half-term holidays.
However, I’m beginning to get an idea of what my shelves will look like once they are finished: a beautiful and intentional collection of books that inspire and intrigue me: some are as familiar as dear friends and some have the allure of a new lover. (I assume. Obviously, I’m not actually in the practice of acquiring lovers).
And the best news — I’m giving YOU some of my favourite books!
Out of sheer sentimentality, I’ve been holding on to multiple copies of beloved books. But, I think it’s time to give them to you. Here’s what’s on offer:
All The Little Bird Hearts by Viktoria Lloyd-Barlow — read my review.
The Hypocrite by Jo Hamya
Things I Don’t Want to Know by Deborah Levy
How to Be A Heroine by Samantha Ellis
Miss Aluminium by Susanna Moore — read my review.
Heatwave by Penelope Lively
Games and Rituals by Katherine Heiny — read my review.
If you’d like one of these books, simply comment below telling me what you’d like and I’ll DM you for your address.*
*This offer is for anyone who is a subscriber (and signed up prior to this email) and will be on a first come, first served basis. It is, sadly, only open to those living in the UK. (Everyone subscribing in the USA, Australia and elsewhere, I love you all but I just can’t afford the postage).
What I’ve Been Reading (in the margins of motherhood) Recently
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